451 Weeks

Nine years ago, I was stuck. I was stuck in Vancouver, stuck in school, stuck in a life of habits – mostly bad – and stuck in the tragic comfort of doing the same things, and making the same mistakes, over and over again. There were plenty of good things going on too. I was writing a lot – working on my thesis and writing scripts for independent films. I was making those films even, and working on the film projects of friends. There were a lot of creative things going on then, but the thing that would have the biggest impact on my life was the one that I considered to be only a hobby at the time. I was fiddling around more or less constantly (to the detriment of a lot of my other work in many cases) with the Unreal Level Editor. I was editing existing Unreal Tournament levels and working on levels for Unreal Mods. When I received an email from a friend of mine linking to a job posting from Ubisoft in Montreal calling for people with experience using the Unreal Editor, I sent in a resume on a lark. Six weeks later I was living in Montreal.

Within the same year – with the upcoming release of PS2 and the original XBox, I would hazard to guess that 10,000 other people got their first job in the game industry. A good percentage of them probably didn’t last a year. Another big chunk probably never shipped their first title. Of those that did, very likely whatever the game was, it wasn’t a blockbuster. And of those few remaining out of ten thousand who were lucky enough to ship a blockbuster for their first game in the industry, I suspect exactly zero of them can claim to have had the kind of luck I had starting as a level designer, then working as a game designer and scriptwriter on the original Splinter Cell. I was a rookie on an upstart team that won the World Series in their first season in the Major Leagues. Official XBox Magazine gave Splinter Cell a 96 – topping the 95 they had given to Halo. And it didn’t stop there. In my almost nine years here, I have shipped three games with over twelve million units sold through, and an average meta-critic of over 90%. I’ve been very lucky to say the least.

Yet, over the years, a number of friends have accused me of a certain false modesty in attributing so much of my success to luck. They’ve encouraged me to take credit for the hard work and the dedication. And over the years I have come to understand that, in fact, my hard work has been a non-insignificant factor in my success and resultant happiness. But more important than the hard work, probably even more important that the random chance that put me on such an amazing team, in such an amazing company, at such an amazing time, was one ingredient that I had not realized had been essential in flavouring the recipe of my life. I think today, looking back at the last decade, that the mystery ingredient in all of this was courage.

I am a person of habit. I have many good habits, but the reality is that new habits develop and reinforce themselves everyday, and it is rare that one just picks up good habits. We pick up bad habits, mostly, and the good habits we have and the few we are lucky enough to adopt often atrophy into bad ones. That is what was happening to me in Vancouver a decade ago, and while it is hard to look at your life and say ‘this is unsustainable’, it is even harder to look at your life and say ‘the reason my life is unsustainable is because I am unsustainable.’ It takes courage to do that, and it takes even more courage to take steps to rectify it. Luck and hard work only determine whether or not you regret taking those steps later. I can say with certainty that I have absolutely no regrets about the step that brought me to Ubisoft. I am thankful that Ubisoft fostered a development atmosphere that I, and so many others who came before and since, have felt so lucky to be a part of. I am proud – beyond measure – of the hard work that I and my colleagues have done here. And I am absolutely certain that those things will continue to grow and flourish; creating new opportunities for new developers willing to work hard and swing for the fences. I am certain that courageous people will continue to come here and grow, and excel, and achieve things that they may later foolishly attribute merely to luck.

But I am a person of habit. For me, habits begin to form when I am comfortable and content, and over time those habits settle. Their weight begins to rest heavily on the foundations of contentedness on which they were built. All the courage and hard work required to overcome my bad habits and forge myself a place where I can be happy, leads me back, inevitably to a place where I am once again comfortable and content. It’s a tragic spiral that I have been through a couple of times in my adult life now. It’s the fractal of my emotional landscape; habits recursing through habits, great pustules of discontent revealing themselves to be whiskered with golden curls of incredible joy which themselves, on closer inspection, reveal an acne of sorrow speckling their surfaces, ad infinitum. In the 451 weeks that I have been here, I have adopted many new habits. It has taken tremendous effort to prevent those habits from atrophying into bad ones. Pride burns into hubris. Willingness wilts into desperation. Confidence slows to stubbornness. Passion boils into anger. Each of these faults and others – without care and constant self-examination – risk becoming habits.

I am too comfortable. I am too content. And I know where that can lead for me.

Fortunately, for the first time in my life, I know the way forward. The way forward lies in my having the courage that I did not know I had a decade ago to bid farewell to those tragically comforting habits. I need to walk on hot coals and sleep on a bed of nails. I need to chew on broken glass. I need to drink paint. This post has gotten long enough and I am still afraid to come to the point, but what I really need more than anything is to write these words;

I gave notice of my resignation to Ubisoft on Monday, April 26th, 2010.

That’s me, acknowledging that I am unsustainable and taking the steps I unfortunately feel I need to take in order to rectify it. The odds of me having the same luck I had the last time I took such a step may be 10,000 to one against, but this time I hope my ability and willingness to do the hard work are beyond question. In that context, I guess we’ll find out just how true or false my modesty is. And I’ll be happy to admit it if I was wrong (but not too happy, and not too soon, I hope).

Without Regret

-Clint

Comments

[Ryan]

Good luck in your future endeavors. I also want you to know that Far Cry 2 is one of the best First Person Shooters I've played this generation; I could really see the hard work that you and the team put into it.

[Roald]

You are hereby my number one Hero!

Good luck with your future projects!

[R. Turner]

Congrats!

I went forward two years ago when I left Ubisoft Quebec to go back to university. After only two years at Ubi, I thought I had to move on too. I'll always remember when you did a Hot Friday at our studio. You're a top designer!

I wish you good times and success in everything you do! Good luck!

[jololo]

I'll resign too, Ubisoft Montreal's not what it used to be

[Tim Kerchmar]

I left the game industry a year ago and can vividly remember calculating out how many hours a week my wife and I would need to work as shift managers at a local restaurant to make a living (backup plan). We already shunned the typical decisions that lead to financial responsibilities, but I am a pretty financially conservative person. Since then, I have made more money when I actually do work and have had more time to enjoy the remaining youth that I have (30 is too close), and got to enjoy my new bride in a way that I regretfully missed during the first year of biannual crunch times. You'll soon be in a place where you wouldn't even want to go back!

[Jacob]

I've really loved the games you've worked on, and your comments about how games should be. You're probably at the top of my list of people I admire in the gaming industry. You never seemed complacent, and this proves it, you always looked for ways to make things work differently and better, and I think Chaos Theory and especially Far Cry 2 are a testament to that. Good luck with your future endeavors!

- Jacob

[Jonathan Morin]

Great post Clint,

Good luck on this new chapter of your life. I don't think any word is really necessary to tell you how much I appreciated our design dynamic on Far Cry 2. All the great debates we had and hopefully still have forge our friendship in many ways. Best of luck for all those new moments of your life(big year for you)and the same goes for Anne-Marie.

Without Ubi as a link, let's make sure we still see each other from time to time. You will always need that guy with the balls to say: "And I am 100% you are wrong..." :)

Was an honor and still is...

Jonathan

[Mitch Krpata]

Good luck with what's next.

[Pascal Belanger]

Good Luck Clint,

You are one of my inspirations in this industry and one of the great minds @ our studio.

I wish you find a challenge worthy of your talent.

Keep us posted!

Adios

[Fran]

Good luck! I hope this means more blogging more often

[Jason Lee Elliott]

Great article, Clint! The luxurious palace of comfort is one of the most difficult prisons to escape from and I am glad to see someone break out. Most people can't.

Good luck on whatever the future holds.

[Raison Varner]

I don't believe we've ever met, but I enjoyed what you wrote very much. Godspeed and much respect for being honest, self aware and attuned to your needs as an artist.

Best wishes and best luck in all your future endeavors! :)

[Arterian.blogspot.com]

Clint,

First, I'd like to wish you luck on your future endeavours. And then I'd like to thank you for this post. It comes at a time when I myself am looking at pushing for great change in my life and your sentiments echo some of mine. It's too comfortable where I am. It's not challenging enough, so it's time to break out into something new. Your post gives me courage that I'm not the only one crazy enough to take what many would see as a good deal for oneself and push for more. Not out of greed, but out of a desire to keep evolving, learning, and growing. So thank you for this.

Oh, also, you kinda helped make a few bad ass games in your time. Thanks for those too. ;)

Regards,

Daniel

[Ash]

Good on ya mate, wish you the best of luck

[Daniel]

to be honest, for as long as I have been playing your games, I was never familiar of who you was prior to reading an article about your resignation on Kotaku. I just wanted to say I found this to be very inspirational as I feel I am in the same place right now. I am no where near as accomplished as you are, but have come far in my own rights I guess, but I know that comfortable feeling all too well. I know I am unsustainable and after reading this, I am even more confident in taking the necessary steps forward to rectify that. Thanks again for posting this, it has honestly been an inspiration. Godspeed to you in your future endeavors, and I'm sure you won't need any luck this time around.

-Daniel O.

[Theacematt2]

Well written--very much so. Enjoying what of Far Cry 2 I've played so far... wasn't much into Splinter Cell while in HS (preferred Metal Gear Solid at the time), but we'll see if I don't grow to play it in the future.

Best wishes

[Randy]

Sad to hear you go. But You should be proud of all the work you've done. Truly you've accomplished what others only dream about.

Splinter Cell is one of my favorite game series of all times and coincidentally, the original and Chaos Theory are two of my absolute favorites.

Best of luck to you in all your future ventures.

Regards,

Randy

(elder-geek.com)

[will]

Wow. And with a few edits I could break up with my girlfriend with that. Kidding.

[Fred Blattmann]

Browsing about on LinkedIn, I stepped onto you profile and wondered what you where up to. So figured I should come here for a peek.
But wow! I certainly did not expect such a big news. And a very good read too.

As you may now, I also left Ubi looking for some bit of change, or for figuring out how much change would satisfy me. So far so good.

I remember you were attracted with stuff that was happening in the indie scene back on FC2. Is this what you’re going towards?
In any case, I wish you luck and success. Mostly, I wish you interesting new challenges. I’m sure that’s a good thing for a developer to wish to another.

[George B]

And here I am with an interview at Ubi soon, partially because I was hoping to work on your team. Gotta keep moving forward!

Good luck, I'll be interested to see what's next.